Lost
by Moonprincess92
Summary: Hermione feels lost, the day after the war. :Oneshot Hermione-centric RHr:


**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Hermione or anyone else in the HP world.

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Lost.

_Or A Day in the Life of a War Hero: Hermione._

Blurb …

Hermione feels lost, the day after the war. :Oneshot Hermione-centric RHr:

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She didn't know what to do.

It wasn't right. At all. Hermione _always_ knew what to do-she was _Hermione_ for Merlin's sake! She'd always had answers, she'd always planned, she'd made sure over her years in the Wizarding World, and she'd known exactly what to do. If not for her own sake, then for her friends.

Now … nothing. And it was disconcerting.

The entire castle was bustling, people moving with purpose. People, witches and wizards alike, cleaning, attempting to take their minds off everything that had happened. People comforting, people grieving, people celebrating, people helping … people knowing what to do.

Hermione? She hadn't a clue.

That was why she'd found herself sitting in the corner of the Great Hall for a good part of four hours now. The house tables had been pushed to the sides of the Hall, with a gap between the wall and the table. Hermione had retreated behind a table and curled up on the floor, not even bothering to cast a cushioning charm-it didn't matter if she was comfortable or not.

She hadn't moved since she'd crawled there at about nine that morning. She knew that everyone else knew she was there, and she knew that everyone else had obviously been told to leave her alone. No one had approached her, none of the Weasley's. Not even Ginny. Not even Harry. Not even Ron.

Ron. If there was one good thing that had happened, it was him. Hermione had woken up that morning and found herself sleeping on top of him on a sofa by the fire. After an extremely awkward conversation, they had decided it was the right time to change their relationship.

Not that that made her feel any better. Ron had his own way of handling grief: making himself so busy, that he didn't have time to think about Fre-

_Damn_, Hermione thought. She'd been trying so hard not to think about Fr-_him_, all day. It was proving rather difficult, and it didn't help matters that she didn't even know if she was doing this right. Grieving wasn't something she had experience with-Sirius, Dumbledore; they were all close to Harry, not her. But Fr-_him_ …

She felt like crying, but it wasn't her place to cry. She wasn't a Weasley; what was she thinking? She wasn't even that close to him anyway … was she? Hermione just didn't know, and she felt like she was lost in a sea of questions with no answers, answers that _she should know_.

But she didn't.

Glancing around the hall, she saw everyone being more or less happy. Hermione didn't understand how they could function without breaking down into sobs. Even the Weasley's, the strongest family she knew, were managing to cope (well, to a certain extent).

Why couldn't she cope? All Hermione felt like doing was continuing to just sit here, and not move until everything was all right again, until Fr-_he_ just jumped up again and claimed he was joking. She felt like if she even tried to move, she would snap completely.

She was trapped in the middle of this mess, completely lost.

Hermione jumped as a voice came out of no where, "Hey, Hermione."

Snapping her head around, she saw Ginny's face sitting down next to her. Her friend looked gaunt, tired, like she'd lived though a hundred years. Hermione didn't know what to say to her, so she didn't say anything. How could she possibly make Ginny feel better? She couldn't.

"Are you all right?" Ginny asked after a moment. Hermione looked at her, and Ginny winced. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid question." She said with an apologetic look.

_She_ was sorry? Ginny shouldn't have to be sorry for anything! She shouldn't even have to be here, she should be with her family. Ginny shouldn't be comforting _her_; it should've been the other way around!

But Hermione still couldn't bring herself to speak. She felt like if she spoke one word, the dam would break and she would never be able to stop sobbing. So she just shrugged and returned to her curled up position she had been in for the past few hours, feeling even worse that she couldn't do anything.

Ginny didn't say anything after that. Hermione could feel her eyes watching her, and Hermione desperately wanted to speak words of comfort, go back to her normal self, the self that knew what was happening, and knew what to do. She wanted to go back to the Hermione that took control, not the Hermione who was lost, not knowing what to do.

"Hermione, you'd better not _still_ be trying to analyse everything," Ginny said, surprising her. Hermione didn't look up. "_This_ isn't a test you can prepare for. It's like what Ron says, 'Sometimes, you just have to wing it, mate'." She imitated Ron's voice on the last sentence, and Hermione knew she should smile, but she couldn't quite bring herself to.

Ginny sighed and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. Hermione didn't have the strength to move it, so she let her keep it there. It felt comforting anyway.

Wait, no! This wasn't Ginny's job! Ginny was the one who'd lost a brother. Hermione was the one who should be comforting Ginny. She had lost the loved-one, not her. Lost a brother, who would never come back.

"Hermione, it's going to be ok," Ginny said and Hermione gathered up her strength. "It's crap now, but-"

"Stop it."

Was that her voice? She sounded like a merperson above the water. Ginny cut off immediately and Hermione looked up. She at least knew this, that _she_ wasn't the one who needed the comfort.

It was the one thing Hermione knew, so she went with it.

"What's wrong?" Ginny asked softly. Hermione shook her head, still not trusting herself to speak. But she needed to do this, for Ginny at least. She deserved comforting, even if she looked like she didn't need it (she didn't think her friend had shed one tear since Fr-_he _died).

"I don't need this," Hermione said, trying to sound strong. She felt tears welling up, but she held them back. "I don't need comforting. Go back to your family, Ginny. I'm fine."

She noticed Ginny flinch slightly but she didn't protest. Ginny sighed and stood up, leaving Hermione to battle the tears that had threatened to fall when she spoke.

She shouldn't be crying. _She_ didn't lose Fr-_him_.

She nearly sighed with exasperation when she felt someone else sit down next to her. It was such a normal reaction for her, she nearly acted on it. It felt like she was going back to her normal self. But the voice spoke, and she was lost again.

"Hermione," The voice said and she froze. Of course she knew that voice, she'd heard it practically every day of her life since she was eleven. It was one of the best sounds in the world.

Now, she just really wished that he wouldn't speak.

"Hermione, please talk to me," Ron's voice said to her. Hermione still couldn't make a sound, though she desperately wanted to. Ron sighed and wrapped his arms around her.

Hermione couldn't even consider pulling away. She lost all her will as soon as he touched her.

"I know you're hurting, Hermione," Ron whispered in her ear, holding her tightly. "We all are. But you're allowed to do it with us, you know."

Allowed? How could she be allowed when she didn't even deserve to cry?

"No," Hermione said, startling herself. "No, I can't."

"Hermione," Ron said firmly. "F-_he's_ gone …" They both winced. "… and you're acting like you're not worthy of grieving. You've been in this same spot for hours. Hermione, do you know how much I've been worrying about you? I've been driving Harry up the wall …" His voice trailed off as he sighed. "You're acting like you don't deserve to cry."

"I don't," Hermione mumbled against his shoulder. Ron didn't say anything to this, but held her more tightly.

"Hermione, you _are_ a Weasley," Ron said softly, after a few moments of silence. "Never forget that. You're one of us whether you like it or not."

Despite herself, Hermione felt her mouth turn up in a sad smile.

Ever since she'd sunk down into this position hours ago, Hermione had been completely and utterly lost. She'd not been able to move as she didn't know where to go if she did. She couldn't say a word, as the moment she did, she knew she would start crying. Ginny couldn't help her. But Ron loved her.

Suddenly, she didn't feel so lost any more.

-Fin.

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A/N: This is the first of many oneshots i'm planning to write, entitled _A Day in the Life of a War hero_. Basically, most characters get a oneshot of their first day after the war. I've been meaning to write something like this for ages, but i've of course been busy writing _Getting it Right_.

So this is how i imagine Hermione. After all the crap she's been through, i think she deserves to break down at some point. I hope you liked it!

Remember reviews are always appreciated, until next time-

-Moon. : D


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